Jesus and Madeline
One year ago today, in the early morning hours, the nurse stepped in to check on me. She’d been the most gracious nurse, truly an angel on earth, helping us through the delivery of Madeline. She kneeled down to speak to me and I could hardly look in her direction. Standing beside her, I saw Jesus. The brightest glowy light I’ve ever seen. I know it was Him.
I’d felt His presence since I’d called on Jesus’ name walking into the hospital the night before asking him to be near and praying he’d be present in every encounter during our stay.
“A peace that surpasses all understanding.” Philippians 4:7
Knowing Jesus as a Friend
Throughout my life, I know God has been there and can recount so many times he’s proven his love. But this was the first time I’ve ever encountered Jesus in such a way. I’ve known him as my savior for many years but it was the start to knowing Jesus as a FRIEND.
There are so many things I’ll never understand about why we lost Madeline. But I can attest to God’s goodness through it all.
“Jesus is close to the brokenhearted.” Psalms 34:18 and “Jesus wept.” John 11:35
If there’s one thing I wish to share in Madeline’s story it’s that Jesus truly loves you. He is for you. And He is with you. He gets it. Whatever it is you’re going through. You can call on him and he WILL show up.
Jehovah Jireh: The Lord Will Provide
A year ago, we severely lacked community. But God provided and he brought so many blessings and people to us in our time of need.
As Darrell transitioned to a new job we were told we were uninsured in August. But we got a call hours before leaving the hospital that our insurance was good through August 13th. That very day.
My precious sister in law dropped everything to come and stay with our boys as we navigated the induction and then memorial service planning.
My neighbor unfortunately knew loss firsthand and walked me through so much of those initial hours and days of shock and grief.
Rachel Ballard’s family rearranged their schedule on the day before school started so she could photograph us with our daughter.
My sister, through her battles with morning sickness in her own pregnancy and the first week of school, planned every detail of Madeline’s memorial with my mom.
My brother’s family provided a meal after the service.
Someone anonymously stepped in to cover the funeral home bill.
My sweet friend Lindsey moved mountains for us. She sat and cried with me. And she hunted down pantyhose in a literal pantyhose shortage (who knew).
Dear friends Courtney, Maggie, and Mary Ann spoke during her service. My uncle made the trip to Kentucky and preached her service.
So many snacks were door dashed to us and groceries and thoughtful gifts delivered.
I’m most certainly leaving out some people and I apologize. But my point is that we ran to Jesus and he was there in an instant. He’s never left our side.
A Note on Miscarriage & Loss
If you have experienced pregnancy loss, please know that regardless of gestational age, your baby was real. Your baby had a life and a soul. It is okay to treat their memory as such. It is okay to mourn, to remember, to honor them. Do not let the devil steal from you the joyous gift of life (no matter its brevity) and the promise of heaven. We cannot allow the devil to diminish what was light and love and life. Satan loves nothing more than to belittle someone’s existence and desensitize you. Your baby deserves to be remembered.
If you are trying to grow your family or hope to one day, I pray you find comfort in the fact that God knows the desires of your heart. You can trust Him with your heart.
He’s pursuing you and, if you’ll let Him, he will write the most beautiful love story through your life.
We know Madeline opened her eyes for the first time to the face of Jesus and we take comfort in that.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.” Psalms 139:13-18